I wish we were taking out this mortgage for a place of our own. I wish we still spoke. I wish we still spoke of our plans to move in together. I wish you still loved me. I wish I could still feel your love. I can’t feel it anymore and I’ve never been so cold.
Your words are sticky, dripping with gooey sugar crystals. They coat my throat, block my airways and choke my wind pipes.
I never get to eat sugar, it’s bad for my teeth you say. But sometimes you force it to me and it’s artificially saccharine. Like Splenda. I know it’s not good for me but I still like the taste. Only it’s slightly bitter.
What was it about me that you didn’t think you could ever love as much as I loved you?
You should never have to persuade someone to be with you.
I should be sleeping right now. It’s 12:39am and I’m mentally and physically exhausted but can’t shut my mind off. I’m angry at you. You knew my fears of abandonment and you did just that. You left me at my weakest and I can’t stand myself back up. The tears are stinging the corners of my eyes and blurring my vision even though it’s dark.
…me when I was at my weakest.