You never came back

You ask me why I even love you? I love you because you don’t judge me for being who I am. You don’t ask for more you accept me the way I am. I love it when you tell me you love me. You let me grow and learn at work and in my career. You listen to me and keep me in check. You don’t let my fears get to my head and you calm me down when I’m upset. You never went running when I told you I had depression, you didn’t even blink twice. You were there spotting me the whole way while I picked myself up. How can I not support you now when you are down and need someone to spot you? The only reason why is because I feel I’m in the way of you figuring that out and I’m blocking that happiness. I wish I could support you but feel like I’m hurting you more than helping. I love you because you’re you. I saw a future with you but need to understand myself that you don’t see that. I’ll always love you. I’ll always love your weird quirks and dirty mind. I’ll always want to keep your favorite foods stocked in my fridge and the left side of my bed for you. When you came back from your trip I was excited for you to stay with me for a few days like we talked about while you were gone. I got my spare key ready to give to you in case you wanted to sleep in past me leaving. You never came. I waited for you to stay with me to spend time with you and for you tell me you loved me like you did when you were away but you never did. So I started moving on. I kept waiting and waiting for you. I told my closest friends you wanted to get back with me and wanted to do this again and I was so excited. I kept waiting but it never happened. I wanted you to meet my parents but you didn’t want to in the end. I kept waiting. And waiting. You never came back.

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July 2, 2019

Is the day I broke free. Free from your grasp. You will never have a hold on me again.

This guy

This guy I used to date would tell me I was too fat.

Then I was too skinny for him.

Not funny enough.

Didn’t have a personality.

His hand on my chest, crushing bicep around my throat. Shoved me around.

I lost consciousness a few times…

he told me to stop pretending.

Didn’t have an ass.

I should get implants.

I should be happy with my body.

I should gain weight.

No you should still lose some more.

I should date someone who treats me well.

Then he came crawling back but the biggest difference this time?

I didn’t let him in again.